Sunday, April 10, 2005

Warrior, Ultimate


Posted by Hello

I got wind of this from my buddy that goes to UConn.

James Hellwig wasn't getting enough respect in conservative circles. I mean yeah it was cool that he used to battle the racially stereotyped likes of Yokozuna and Tatanka, but how could he contend with the overflowing masculinity of William Kristol, he basically got laughed out of the AEI cafeteria when he ordered the daffodil salad and asked for vinegarette on the side. So the former WWF champ changed his name...again...this time legally...to, first name: Ultimate; last name: Warrior.

Since then Mr. Warrior has been traveling college campuses discussing his suspicions that Sgt. Slaughter was a closet liberal and breaking foldable chairs over the backs of students who ask silly questions. Everything was cool until the Warrior was met by a bunch of renegade anti-racists and anti-homophobes while doing a speech at UConn.

What is really that bad about telling a group of youngsters that "queering don't make the world work," (what does that even mean?) and telling a student of Iranian descent to go "get a towel." But he wasn't even wet, which is why I don't get...wait...oh, the Ultimate Warrior is a racist, I get it, nice one Warrior.

The Warrior released a retort on this website in which he offered that "any others who objected to the substance of what Warrior had to say would certainly have been within their rights to challenge Warrior during the Q&A period" Although the Iranian kid's theme song never played and he never got to storm out from behind the curtain and take on Warrior's challenge he still might file a lawsuit.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

this story is just fucking hilarious

9:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is surprising that the ultimate warrior is a republican. I would figure that Ultimate would be pissed that Bush cut veterans' benefits. Go figure.

sloan

5:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ian that was pretty fucking funny. Stick to comedy seriously.

jaime

5:23 PM  
Blogger bzbb said...

I was there, it was pretty good. There are videos, I'm going to get one on Archive.org soon.

10:12 AM  

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